Jason Sudeikis might look kind of dorky on the outside, but underneath that hoodie he’s a freaky sexual marathon champion who will pleasure your genitals in ways you never thought possible. Take it from his lady friend, Olivia Wilde!
Last night at “These Girls,” a night of monologues hosted by Glamour Magazine, Wilde talked about her recent divorce from her ex-husband and subsequent relationship with Sudekis in frank and amusing terms. “I felt like my vagina died,” she said of the end of her first marriage. “Turned off. Lights out … And you can lie to your relatives at Christmas dinner and tell them everything on the home front is just peachy. But you cannot lie to your vagina.”
This is true! She went on to describe her new relashe with Sudeikis, saying she fell “blissfully, hopefully, wildly in love” and that the two “have sex like Kenyan marathon runners.” Rowr! She then did a comedic monologue about “Olivia Land,” in which all relationships have a seven year sunset rule and sex work is legal, etc. But back to vaginas. What wisdom can they impart?
“Sometimes your vagina dies,” she reiterated to Vulture after the show. “Then you know it’s time to go. There’s no reason to sacrifice your womanhood and femininity for some sort of weird feeling of responsibility to something that may not be right. I feel like far too many women do that. [Men] are not allowed to be the only ones thinking with their genitals. We think with our pussies.”
I’d venture to say that neither men nor women should think purely with their down there parts, but the idea of female sexual agency gets so buried in our culture that it’s never a bad idea for someone to remind folks it exists. (Especially someone more generally thought of as a sex object, like Olivia.) That said, I’m not sure I’ll ever to be able to enjoy SNL again without constantly picturing Jason Sudeikis (as Mitt Romney) in acrobatic sex positions.